I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
