similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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