Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
