boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
