Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
