Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
how drunk are you?
Several
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
