me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
