The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
