Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
