I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
