True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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