just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
