just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
