it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
