my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
