I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
