My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
