Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
