im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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