I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
