I love black thongs
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
