You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
