he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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