Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
