I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
