This is not my ceiling
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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