she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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