worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
