I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
