i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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