my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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