You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
