I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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