His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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