So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
