loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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