I want to make a zoo with you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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