just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think my fart just growled at me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
