if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
