No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
