Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
