I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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