An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
