I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
