Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
