Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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