I haven't been this sober since birth.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
