Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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