i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
