I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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