I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
